Confidence is vital for us in creating a happy and rewarding life, as it influences our family success, our personal success, our work success, our friendships, and success in our relationships. In fact, confidence influences everything we do in life. Our greatest asset in life is self-belief in how we think, in how we feel, and how we behave. During my many years of practice, I have found that clients lacking in confidence and self-belief always seem to underachieve and suffer disappointment often. Sadly those who don’t believe, don’t achieve, and I feel that these clients deserve so much more, however they really are not spontaneous and therefore, they miss the window of opportunity. Many clients that I’ve helped are extremely susceptible to anxiety, stress, and in some cases suffer from severe mental health problems, all of which creates a huge impact upon them.
A client that I coached earlier in the year had huge issues from her own lack of self-esteem and self-confidence, all of which stemmed from the age of six. This lady was such an unconfident person that she constantly craved approval from others, and she was a huge people pleaser. Seeking approval is the polar opposite to a confident person. A confident person knows their worth and value, and therefore don’t require anyone else’s approval, sadly this client craved approval. I explained to the client that I would help in building her confidence, however therapy is a two-way street, and she has to complete the tasking I give her, otherwise it will take much longer for her to build her own confidence. and thankfully she was willing to do this.
This lady had a very hard upbringing, in that her parents and siblings were very demeaning towards her, constantly telling her that she was a useless waste of space. This impacted her so badly, that she used to hide away on her own, so that she could be alone, as she felt so ashamed that she was a useless waste of space. At the age of six, the bullying started at school, and she felt great shame for being a useless waste of space. The bullying continued at school until she was 16, and even the teachers used to tell her that she’d never make anything of herself. At sixteen she met a young guy who was really kind and sympathetic towards her, so she left home and went to live with him. After about a month, the coercive control began, he told her that she was lucky to have him, because she was ugly and fat. This relationship continued until she finally escaped his clutches at twenty-one, sadly by now, she was completely broken.
She ended up in a woman’s hostel for a few months and met two lovely women there. These women encouraged her to be gentle on herself and to be kind. This really helped my client, but sadly she was very damaged. She eventually found a job and rented a room in a house with seven other people. That is how she found me, as one of her housemates had been to see me a few years before, so her therapy journey began. We worked on building her self-esteem, and she was given a respect line, a line that neither she nor anyone else crossed. I worked with some EMDR, EFT, and Hypnosis to build her confidence. I taught her about the two circles of life, and she learned that anything she can’t control, she must put it in the letting go circle, and then control what she can control. The client was given an anchor to help her in controlling her thoughts, but the biggest success came from the various soothing techniques I used, wow it was like pure magic!
Well, it has been seven and half months since I began seeing my client, and she came back to see me last week for a top-up and my goodness what a difference! This lady has had two promotions since I’ve seen her, she bought her own house, she has joined a walking club, and she told me that she can now finally see the light ahead. She told me that she had taken my advise and decided that before she embarked on a new relationship with someone, she was finding herself first, this made me proud. I think for those struggling with a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence, you have to find the right therapist that will help you to build a mutual relationship that is built upon honesty, truth, and trust. Rapport (therapeutic alliance) is vitally important to successful therapy, as is congruency, it’s all about therapist knowing it is the clients journey to freedom, and that the therapist is there to facilitate the clients journey to freedom.